Sanctifying the Household | Exodus 18 Study

Introduction
Not every "Christian marriage" is spiritually aligned. Many faithful believers find themselves married to spouses who are either unconverted, spiritually cold, or nominally Christian at best. Some married that way before they were saved. Others disobeyed God’s Word by entering an unequal yoke. And still others walked the aisle with someone who claimed faith, only to discover later that there was no fruit, no hunger, no spiritual life.

Whatever the case, the situation can be heartbreaking.

The pain is real: attending church alone, carrying the spiritual burden solo, trying to raise children in the Lord while your spouse quietly (or actively) resists. It’s isolating. It’s exhausting. And if not shepherded carefully, it can lead to despair, bitterness, or disobedience.

This article is for the Christian in that situation. Whether you're a husband married to a spiritually disengaged wife, a wife married to a nominal husband, or a pastor whose home is divided, God's Word offers both hope and clarity. And Moses’ marriage gives us an example—sobering, yes, but instructive.

Zipporah never appears to join Moses spiritually. She resented the covenant, was absent from his ministry, and may have returned permanently to Midian. The result? Moses walked alone. His sons bore no legacy of faith. His household never became a stronghold of spiritual influence. The lesson is not only about how this happened—but what could have been done differently.


Understanding “Sanctify” in 1 Corinthians 7

“For the unbelieving husband is made holy [sanctified] because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband...”
—1 Corinthians 7:14

Paul is not saying that the unbelieving spouse is saved through marriage. The word sanctified here refers to a relational holiness—a covenantal covering of blessing and influence. When one spouse is in Christ, the household becomes a mission field, not a defiled space.

• The believing spouse becomes a means of spiritual light in the home.
• The unbelieving spouse is not cut off, but exposed to truth and love.
• The children are “holy”—not by regeneration, but by proximity and discipleship.

John Calvin: “The believing spouse is like a sacred root, from which some sanctity spreads over the whole house.”

How to Lead in a Divided Household

1. Love the Lord More Than You Long for Change

2. Lead With Gentleness and Conviction

• Don’t compromise your obedience to make peace.
• Don’t weaponize the Bible to shame your spouse.
• Instead, lead with clarity, compassion, and consistent witness.

3. Keep the Word Central

• Read Scripture aloud—even if you’re the only one who listens.
• Sing Christ-exalting songs—even if your spouse stays silent.
• Speak the gospel—not as a debate tactic, but as a declaration of hope.

4. Disciple Your Children with Courage

5. Pray for Their Soul Like It’s Life or Death—Because It Is


When the Unequally Yoked Marriage Is Draining the Life from You
This is real. Spiritually mismatched marriages are not just “challenging”—they can be devastating. If you’re in this situation, don’t minimize the toll it can take.

• You may feel alone in worship even when sitting next to your spouse.
• You may feel silenced every time you try to speak truth at home.
• You may be parenting with opposition, not partnership.

Moses surely felt this. While he stood before Pharaoh, while he ascended Sinai, while he carried the burden of a nation—he did it without his wife at his side. He had no spiritual partner. He had no helper to hold up his arms (Ex. 17:12). Zipporah is never mentioned again.

Thomas Watson: “To have a bad wife is like a continual dropping of water, which wears away a man's heart.”

So what can you do when your marriage becomes a drain?

• Anchor in the Word—daily reminders that God hears and rewards the faithful.
• Run to the church—don’t isolate. Surround yourself with spiritual support.
• Lean on the elders—ask for prayer, wisdom, and encouragement.
• Set clear boundaries—loving confrontation is sometimes necessary.
• Never sin to maintain peace—obedience to Christ always matters more than harmony.

When a Pastor’s Wife Is Spiritually Disengaged
This is a deeply sensitive subject—but one that must be addressed.

Many pastors carry the burden of public ministry while enduring a private absence of spiritual unity at home. Sometimes their wives are cold to the Word. Sometimes they resent the church. Sometimes they simply go through the motions.

Brother pastor: if this is you—you must deal with it. Lovingly. Prayerfully. But truthfully.
1 Timothy 3:4–5 says that an elder must manage his own household well, with children who are “submissive.” Why?

“For if someone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he care for God’s church?”

This doesn’t mean your wife must be perfect, or your children sinless. But it does mean your household must be orderly, aligned, and visibly under the authority of Christ. If not—you must consider stepping down. Better to humble yourself now than to allow a future “Jonathan” to arise from your legacy (Judges 18:30). Moses walked alone. His sons wandered. His legacy fractured.

Pastor, don’t wait for that to happen in your house. Act now. Speak now. Lead now. Or step down until you can.


Final Word to Believers in Divided Homes
You are not alone.

God sees. God hears. God remembers. Your faithfulness matters. Your tears are not wasted. Your prayers are not ignored.

Zipporah may have walked away. Your spouse may never walk with Christ. But you must remain planted in Christ, anchored in truth, and unshakable in conviction.

Don’t let bitterness take root. Don’t let compromise creep in. Don’t let passivity define you.

• You may be the only believer in your house—but you are not alone.
• You may be raising children in the middle of division—but you are not abandoned.
• You may be holding your household together with weary hands—but God is able to strengthen the arms of the righteous.

“The unbelieving spouse is made holy”—not saved, but influenced.

Let your life be a witness. Let your prayers be incense.

And let your endurance bring glory to Christ.